ok bare with me, i love the idea of show and tell, but i am not real sure how this works....i believe that i am following all the directions and rules.....if i have it wrong PLEASE let me know and i will change it.....

my show and tell comes from my kitchen today.....i love kitchens, they offer soo much warmth, love, life lessons, and of course good sweet smells.....anyways, my kitchen is and has been done in americana for several years now......its not just your typical stars and stripes and hearts, but a mixture of alot of different things.....and today i am showing a set of six wrought iron figures.....my aunt donna found them at a yard sale and gave them to me......i love them and they fit so very well with everything else......

there is a colonial style woman, a colonial man, a cannon with a pile of cannon balls, what i presume to be a door knocker, and soaring above them all is a proud eagle.....they hang over the doorway into my dinning room.....i dont know very much about them except that they were made by a company named sexton....there is a 24 stamped in the back of all them and an old man at a resale/antique shop told me they were very old and highly collectible.......and that mine were still in very good condition......

the pictures that i have to share with you are not the best because i was afraid to take off the wall.....the hook on the back is getting very weak, so once i have them in place i DO NOT move them......the red they were once painted has faded to a dull brownish color, the blues are still brilliant and the cream color is yellowish in tint now.....colors would probably be better if i would actually wash them, but i am terrified they will rust or all the color will wash off.....they do get a regular dusting......

queen of crafts.....

ok ok, maybe im not the queen of crafts, but im working on it......lol...no seriously, i have come a long way, very very long way from my first "real" crafting project.......back then i thought i wasnt very good and felt it was a waste of time.....now i live to craft and craft to live......

about 7 years ago, leah and i thought it would be good for us to take up crafting.....actually i think it was more her idea than mine.....she used to have a super hectic life and i think that she thought that crafting could take her away from it all for little while.....anyways, we bought little terra cotta flower pots, some paint, some brushes, hot glue guns, ribbons and fake flowers......

so with a glass of wine,(we thought we were SOOOOO the stuff back then)and all of our supplies we sat in the middle of my living room floor and commenced to make our own flower arrangements......by the end of the night we had concocted these things that were white....but just barely, you could still see the terra cotta color peeping through, there was hot glue strings everywhere holding bunched up ribbons in place, flowers or what was supposed to be flowers painted all around the sides of the pots.....and i dont think that we ever made it to the actual flower arrangements themselves.......needles to say, they were not the prettiest of crafts, or at least mine definitely wasnt as i remember.....

thinking back on that day, i remember that we used my best towels for our drop clothes....they were a really soft light blue fluffy towel (i worked at sears at the time and got them for a great price).....by the end of our crafting night my towels were covered in paint stains and piles of dried up hot glue......

in preparing to make our move to italy, i was cleaning out my HUGE overflowing craft box, which is more like a three drawer dresser now, because they wont ship liquids and i have several paints that will need to be used or given to boo's classroom....anyways, back on track here, i found one of those stupid blue towels......it still has all of its original stains of purple and white along with the hot glue piles, plus the tons more stains that my kids and i have added to it......its almost a work of art by itself.....

like i said, it made me think of leah and that very first project all those years ago....if she had not made me do it then, i might not be where i am now.....and i love to craft and all things that i have made for my kids, for my family, friends, all the stuff for the house, and not to mention all the awesome flower arrangements that i am able to make, not just for me, but for several different weddings......i love it and its just yet another reason that i love leah.....

p.s. maybe one day i might get around to posting some of my projects!!

black history month project

as we all know feb is black history month.....in our family, being that half of us are white and half of us are black, that always brings up a ton questions and long talks.....one of the best things that my kids and stephen and i have all come to agree on, is that black history is a good thing to learn and to understand, but that black people are no different than any other race, that we were all created equal and that all heritage months should be taken away, or at least until (as my son said) "they find a way to give white people a month too since we are the only ones that dont have a month"......i am very proud of my children for the thoughts that they have and their ability to express them in ways that are respectful.....im also very proud of them for being able to look past a persons skin color to see who they really are inside......

anyways onto the subject at hand......jeremiah was given a project to do for black history month.....they were supposed to use the library, internet and books/mags. to come up with a paper and display......the paper could be on any one person that the student wanted to use and the display had to be at least a poster board, creatively done to represent the person that they chose......

in talking to jeremiah, we found out that almost all the kids in his class were going to be using martin luther king jr, harriett tubman, george washington carver, or booker t washington.......i told him that i felt that he should find someone else to do his project on......he could not think of anyone else to use....which is truly a shame because there are sooooo many more great black people that helped to make the world what it is today, but yet all that is taught in our schools are the ones listed above.......after being frustrated at this, i asked him if he knew who the tuskegee airmen were......of course he didnt, shocker there......so guess what, they are who he then did his project on......

i took him over to tuskegee university while we were still in alabama so that he could learn first hand for himself who they were and what they were about...... after a few hours there, we found out that the first black pilots in all of the military do not have an actual museum of there own.....the first one, which wasnt much better than the make shift trailor being used at present, was burned to the ground.......we gathered as much information and took as many pictures that we could.....we also were given the chance to see and touch the original one and only plane that was used to train every single one of the airmen....i also had jeremiah spend some time on the internet to find out some more stuff that he could use for his project........

we worked on his paper and his display which consisted of two poster boards(with props on the back so they would stand up), a map of alabama with tuskegee highlighted for it all to sit on, several different pamphlets that we got at the airmen site and a book......he was nervous about taking it to school because we had not followed the "rules" and had used more than one person for the project......i told him not to worry, that if he got in trouble or got a bad grade i would go and talk to the teacher........however, i am very happy to report that he got the highest grade and his project is on display for the whole school to see.....

it is honestly sad that in honoring black history, especially being that it is the month that is the most promoted throughout the media, movies, tv programs, schools and the like, that our children dont get the opportunity to learn about some of the other great black people that have changed the world too......

i have included a few pics that we took....

sounds of spring are in the air

so as i was awakened to the noises of lawn mowers and leaf blowers, my mind instantly thought....wow, they feel need to cut grass, that must mean that spring is on its way.......

although they are sounds that during the spring, are not welcomed at the crack of dawn, they were much longed for today......this winter season has been a crazy one.....cold then hot....then cold and snowy.....just to go back to hot......then to go right back to freezing.......so i am patiently waiting the days that i can walk outside first thing in the morning and enjoy a cup of coffee while i watch boo get on the school bus.....instead of the days of now, where we bundle her up, send her out at the last min and i watch from the kitchen window (to prevent keegan from being out in the cold that early in the morning) just to hop on the couch and bundle in a warm blanket.........

i miss spring.....spring and early fall are my favorite times of the year.....the weather is just perfect......no jackets, no huge piles of clothes......we can play outside instead of being pretty much limited to the house.......to run and play in fields of flowers....to lay down in tall grass....to be barefoot........Lord please make spring hurry

once were six on the move, but now we are five

as it were, all six of us were supposed to be moving to italy....stephen and me and all four of the kids.....well at least all four for the first year....but as it turns out, alex told us this weekend that she is no longer going to be going with us, that as long as she has free time in the summer she wants to visit, but she cant go for the year.....major shocker there.....we were all so excited about going and were counting down the weeks till we left, so this came as a huge surprise......

she has decided that she wants to stay with her mom.....she has been thinking about it for awhile and finally decided that it was time for her to tell us......it was a hard thing for her to do.....she was worried that we would be mad at her or that we might want to blame her mom.......she also thought that we might love her less or something like that (like that could or would ever happen).......its been a really long time since i was 13, i guess i forgot how their minds work........

after the initial shock of it, we found out that her reasons are really good and very mature ones to make for her age.....here in north carolina, they are starting a new program in high schools......starting the beginning of freshman year, which is next year for her, if a student passes an acceptance test and is approved, they can begin taking college classes at no charge (yes, i just said free college) ......doing this program will allow students to graduate at the end of their junior year with a two year degree.......so far she has passed the acceptance test and is waiting the approval......

i am not real sure just how this program works, so that will be my "homework" for the week, but i am extremely proud of her for having the motivation to start her college career this early......she is an incredibly smart young lady and if this is really something that she wants to do, she will be successful.......my only fear is that she is going to miss a lot of what high school is really about because from what i understand now, there will not be a lot of free time for her....her schedules are going to be picked for her...her normal school hours will be different and when the bell rings, her day is not over.....she will have night classes to head out to, and depending on the term, she may have some super early morning classes as well......

my prayer for her now will be that she continues to keep herself motivated and doesnt give up when it gets tough, as i am sure it will......not that she is the type of person to give up easily, but in the past, she has allowed friends, comments of teachers directed toward her "laziness" when she is bored with a task that doesnt challenge her, and the thoughts of other people to stand in the way of her success.......i pray that she will find her own strength in this process and come out on top, proving to herself what i already know.......that she can do anything that she sets her mind to.......

sweet home alabama

well its more like sad home alabama this time around....sorry that i havent posted in a few days, but we took a few days and headed home to spend some time with the family and to tell them goodbye...or rather, to say our "see ya laters"....this was the last trip that we will be bale to make down there before we head on over to italy......it was hard to leave, but its all a part of the life that we chose.....it did make it easier this time around because i know that my parents are already saving the money to come and see me.....and even though i will not be able to make a trip up north to visit leah before we leave i know that she will come to see us too....in fact while i was in germany she was the only one that made that trip.......

it was a good trip though...we had alot of fun hanging out and playing games with the family............i kicked some major booty in electronic monopoly and we played a few hours of uno attack......we visited our church and went out to eat at one of our favorite places named country's......great little bbq place with the best fried pickles ever.......hopefully i will be able to post some of the pics soon......

after the dreaded drive home, all the fun and games was over, well atleast for now......we had to pick up were we left off, and start trying to get everything finished so that we can leave on time......yesterday was more doc appointments and tomorrow will be all about the passports......wish me luck with that.......cause i will definately be needing it.....all the paperwork that is required for passports for underage children is just madening.......i already a whole folder full......we praying though that we will get them back in time......they have to be rushed.......

anyways, i think that is enough for now......i hope that this finds everyone is good health and spirits and that you are as blessed as we are.......peace, love and blessings

transport from 360

well i am not new to blogging, but i am new here.....i have been blogging on 360 for sometime now but have decided it is time for a change......i am still figuring out this whole blogspot, so bare with me....in the mean time i have posted a few of my blogs from 360 here to get me started, none of them are in type of order sorry.....i am not a mean or spiteful person, but i am who i am and i believe strongly about certain things.....i will never say sorry for the things that i post.......i hope to meet some new and interesting people here......hope you enjoy.......love and blessings

Prayers of a child
sometime last week elizabeth came to me and said that she didnt know how to pray.....i asked her why because she has been saying her prayers for a long time now.....she explained to me that she didnt want to pray the little kids prayer.....you see we have taught her the basic kids prayer of now i lay me down to sleep.....she has this book of childrens prayers, and we have read it several times....so she has now began to associate her prayers to the childrens prayers in that book....which there was nothing wrong with that, but she feels that it is for a baby....and plans on teaching it to keegan when she can really talk.....
so we began talking about why we pray and how we should pray.....we worked on a new big girl prayer for her to start saying.....that lasted till tonight.....after dinner and playing and brushing teeth and all that normal nightly bedtime jazz, i reminded her to do her prayers before she went to bed......she said ok and left......a while later she came back out and said that she wasnt praying right and wanted my help.....so i went in the room and sat with her and asked her what she meant......she told me that she wanted God to really hear her prayers and wanted to pray like mommy and daddy do.......
not knowing what exactly she meant i asked her what she meant......she told me and my heart filled with this pride and joy that i cannot explain......she is only five and already understands the true power of prayer.....she wanted to kneel and pray rather than sitting in her bed.....so we began to talk about what it is that she should say......i told her that the first thing that she should do when praying to God is to humble herself by kneeling and then begin by praising God for all that he has done for her....then she could then ask a special blessing over anything or anyone that she wanted to......and then she could ask God to help her to reach her personal goals for the week........and that then she should always tell God how much we love him and his son Jesus Christ our personal Lord and savior......so this was her prayer.....
Dear God,
my name is elizabeth kay martin.......you have made me special because i have a mommy, a daddy, a big sister, a little brother and a baby sister......you have also given me a dad......God will you please make my daddy and all his friends safe in iraq cause mommy says that they have the most important job in the world and their job is not over yet.......God will you please make my graw stronger and better so that i can go and see her again soon......will please make my sister not be so mean to me when we play.....can you make my mommy be strong for my daddy and be the boss when he is gone......and God can you tell my dad that i love him too.....because i love all of them and want them all to be safe.....God thank you for making us all healthy and happy and safe.......God can you help me to be a good girl this week, my goals are to be good in school, help mommy with the dishes and listen to what she says....to be nice to keegan and ms. janell......i love you God and Jesus, and tell Jesus thank you for breaking the bread small to feed like 25 people(her lesson at church today was about Jesus feeding 5000)......AMEN
i was sooooo proud of her for the simple prayer that she said and realized more today than any other that our children really do learn from our example......i guess i didnt know that she paid that much attention to me or stephen when we prayed.......but now i know......
baby, i hope that when you read this that you will see what a true impact you have had on this family......and just how much you are loved and missed.......we love you and miss you very much, and as you can see we are all praying for you and everyone else over there......i missed talking to you today and hope that you will get the chance to call tomorrow......i love you and miss you more than words can say.....

attack of the suckers
kids are some of the most amazing things that God could have ever created......they are sooo filled with energy and the things that will come out of their mouths will sometimes shock us.....but the craziest of the crazies when it comes to kids is the things they do to each other at times......
after church today, i told the girls that we had a few errands to run (both of them have been growing like little weeds, all the clothes that we got them for Christmas, are all getting tooo small already!).....so we go to kmart first, elizabeth needed to get some new pants.....we looked for what seemed like hours just to bring home clothes that dont fit.......yes, i know that i should have tried them all on her, but that is a difficult thing all by its self.....let me tell you why......i cant take the buggy into the dressing room, keegan wont stop screaming at the top of her lungs when elizabeth goes in by herself.....i guess she thinks that we were going to leave her......so we tried on one pair that did not fit and so i figured that if i got the next size up it would fit.......guess i was wrong there.....
anyways, we leave....and on the way to walmart, elizabeth asks if they can spend their money on suckers when we get there.....i said sure......did not think that buying suckers would cause any problems.......guess what, wrong again was i.....well the suckers themselves were not the problem.....the deveil child holding them was......keegan decides that it will be cool to throw the suckers into the buggy.....that normally would not be a problem for me cause atlaeast then she isnt throwing them all over the store.....but this time boo was "riding" on the back on the buggy and one of those big ole stupid suckers bounced right out of the buggy and popped boo in the eye.......i will be suprised if she wakes up without a blackeye......
of course she starts yelling and crying and everyone looks at me like i have just tried to kill her in the middle of the store or something.......so i have to take her and keegan to the bathroom so i can look at her eye.....while in there we all tried to go potty......thats when elizabeth decides it will be nice to leave keegan in the stall by herself......of course i am there the whole time so she wouldnt have gotten left......
it just amazes me, the things that the two of them will do to each other...but then in the same breath, if they think that someone is going to hurt their sister, they will be ready to fight.....
i hope that they will always stay that way for the rest of their lives.....cause i know for me, it really sucked growing up with an older sister that never loved me enough to fight for me, just with me.........
p.s....i forgot to tell my baby that i love him and miss him and i cant wait till you get to come home on r&r........huggs and kisses

life.....and sometimes death
ok.....there are a few things on my mind today that i need to get out so this blog may not have any type of a real flow......and may make no sense to some.....
i heard from stephen today and i was very happy in being able to do so......but then in the conversation that changed quick.....not in a bad way, but in a way that made me realize just how blessed i am.....and how sooooo many more of us (military wives/girlfriends/husbands/etc.) are to.....but it also made me notice how much of whinny babies we can be at times......
yes, it sucks that the phones go down at times.......and yes it really sucks when we dont get to talk to them......and the thing that sucks the most is that they have to be there in the first place....however, in some way or another, we all knew what we were getting into when we put ourselves in the lives of a military person.....so with all that being said, i guess i can move to my next train of thought.....
recently, there was a time frame of like four days when we heard nothing from our deployed ones......i am guessing that several of the wives freaked out and had the frg call down range to see why.....unless this is your first deployment, you should know that it happens at times.....and as soon as the phones are back up, they will be calling again.....(now to my story, and i am not sure if this is how it would happen.....this is what i think would)
its a normal day, well as normal as can be....work, family, kids, friends.....all the things that we do to keep ourselves busy during a deployment......the day has come to a slow close and while getting ready to rest for the evening, the phone rings....its an od call....just to make sure that you are home......within an hour there is a knock on your front door.....
peeking out the window to see who the unexpected visitor might be, your heart immediately skips beats and you become weak in the knees......knowing the worst is about to happen, you refuse to open the door.....if you dont open it, they will go away and it wont be true......
persistant ringing draws you back to reality......you gather yourself, the best you know how......smooth your hair back from your face and clear your throat, which is growing closed with every breath......all of this is happening within a very few short seconds......buzz buzz.....again, you tell yourself to open the door....
there is a uniformed man with his cover in his hand staring you in the face.....his first words to you are....mam......you dont even need to hear any more, which is good cause you cant hear anything but the beating of your own heart steadly slow.......your worst fear has just become a reality.......
your son or daughter.....your flesh and blood.....the child, because no matter their age, they are still your baby...that you birthed and raised to be a fine young citizen that grew up and joined the military is not coming home from this war (and we are not even techinally supossed to be at war!).....
back to my thoughts.......when the phones are down......dont be a cry baby about it.....and i am not playing blame games here, i am a victom of that myself at times.....we get so used to things a certain way and expect that they will always be that way.....and when they arent we want to pitch fits and have pitty parties.....
so the next time the phones go down......if you havent gotten this phone call followed by this, or a similar situation......get on your knees and pray......thank God that it wasnt your loved one.....and pray for the family that it happened to.....its the least we can do, as we all know that it is our deepest fear at this point in time....
this reality happened to some one is our battalion this past "down" time....we all need to spend some time in prayer for that family.....i wasnt told who they are, but that doesnt matter....it could be one of us the next time around and i would hope that this family would pray for us as well......
if this offends anyone....i DO NOT apologize.......this it the world we live in today and we all need to stop being so selfish (me encluded).....
stephen, i love you and miss you so very much.....and as always, we are praying for your safety, as well as, all of 659, along with the units that we dont know.....even though you know i do, i felt the need to tell you again that we, as a family......me, elizabeth, and all of my family and even my church back home, pray every day for you and all of our military.....you know how i feel about these deployments and the only thing that i can do to make me feel better about it is to pray......so thats what i do......

favor for a friend
several days ago, a very good friend of mine asked me to do her a favor.....the favor was to look into whatever was bothering me......because i had definately not been acting like my normal self......and she was starting to worry about me....so that is what i did, look into "it"...
while looking into it, i had to look into myself to find the real issues......you would amazed at what some serious studying and prayer can help you find out about yourself.......
you see for most of my life, i have done everything and taken care of everything for myself, by myself.....yes, i was married for awhile before, and if you were to ask david, if he were to be completely honest with himself, he would amit that was true......not always cause he had a choice in the matter, sometimes he was in the field or deployed......anyways, i have discovered that i am not super woman, not super mom and i cant do everything alone anymore......i need and often times want help.....this is really had for me to accept, but i will work on that everyday until i am ok with the fact that i do need help.....
also, i have worked every day of my working life.....from the age of 15 when i got my first tax paying job, have been working......and in almost 13 years of work, there are only about three maybe three and a half that i didnt work.....that was when i had both of my girls, was in school, and due to moving........i have found out that i really miss work......i was not cut out to be a stay at home mom all the time.....the first year of the girls life was ok, but after that i need to work to be sane......i am not looking down on those that can be stay at home moms and i am not saying that if you choose to work that you arent a good mom......i am a great mom and love my kids to death, i just need a job.....and this was found out while giving advice to another mom......its funny the wisdom we can often share, but dont always want to admit or practice for ourselves.....
last but not least, i found that i miss my relationship with the Lord......that is my biggest weakness, when i feel down or stressed or weak or whatever....i tend to not pray and study as i should......instead of turning to the Lord, i rely on the world......when i need to reverse that.....which it helps now that i have found a new church that i love and feel like i will be able to grow in.....this is something that i will always work on.....
through all of this one thing i found, rather i knew but i guess i didnt really appreciate the way i should have is that i have been truly blessed......i have a wonderful and supportive family that is always there to listen, pray and give advice.......though i dont have that many friends anymore, the few that i have are a special kind cause they are able to tolerate me, and they arent going to let me enter into this self distructive mode......i have the best fiance in the entire world.....he is always patient and kind......understanding and loving......he is my best friend......but the best thing that i have, is my relationship with God......though i often neglect it the most, it is the most important and most reliant one that i have........

Bible study and the real lessons you learn
today was a good day for the most part......we are at end of month billing at work, which is stressful in itself....but i have decided that i am not going to allow it to control me or get to me.....do what i can in one day and the rest will be there waiting for the next......
lunch was not so good......i faught with david over childsupport again......he claims unemployment......and justifies buying a car and paying cash for it......5,000 dollars at that......instead of saving and paying bills and childsupport while he was waiting for a job.......i do not understand why he is the only person that can get me that upset.......
Bible study was good....hard, but good.....we were studying service and how we can be of service to others..........well, tonight the church was hosting three homeless families.......so our mission was to provide service to these families.....the girl my group meet was 27........she has 6 kids, no job, no family, and a felon......she reminded me soooo much of my daddy in sooo many ways because of that.........the negativity that she had and her willingness to give up was identical to his........im not sure how to take her or exactly what i can do to help her.......the only thing that i could do was share my story with her........i wasnt always where i am now.........i know what it is to be without and unsure where the next meal is coming from and how i was gonna take care of my kids......i didnt go into great details with her about my life because not tooo many people will ever know the truth depths of that......but anyways, the main thing that i tried to get across to her was that God didnt hate her.....that it was just the opposite, God loved her so much that all these things are happening because He was testing her, and with the faith of a mustard seed, she will make it through if she really wants it.....and when she does, her reward will be greater than anything than she has gone through.......
it is amazing how much we can really learn from others....even those that feel they have nothing to offer......tonight i learned that i take sooo much for granted and dont always fully praise God for everything that he has blessed me with......i went through my test, sometimes i am still going through them......but my rewards are already better than the things i went through........it is only through the grace of God that i am here today and i am proud to admit that.......
stephen, i love you and miss you and cant wait till it is may so that i can see you and spend some time with you......we are all getting soooo excited and trying to patiently wait, but it is hard.......anyways, we love you and miss you and are praying for you and all your guys over there(as always).........

happy memorial day
as you all get up this morning feeling refreshed and relaxed because you didnt have to go into work today, and you are thinking of the great bbq that you will be having later because the weather is absolutely beautiful, please dont forget about the reason that you able to celebrate and have this great fun......
while you are having bbq, homemade icecream and fresh squeezed lemonade, there are members of the armed forces that are having mre's and water.....while you are enjoying sunbathing and slappin on the tanning oil thick, there are those who are piling on the sunblock so that they wont burn cause its over 100 degrees and they have to work.......while you are playing volleyball and laughing with friends......there are people that are dumping the sand out of there boots again so they wont get blisters, and they are also standing in long lines to talk to their family members back home......
stephen has spent the last two days on plaines so that he could make it back to iraq where he will spend atleast another three months(possibly longer) along side his friends and fellow soliders.......so to my baby and all the other Regulators over there......know that we love you and miss you and that not all of us are thinking of today as just a paid holiday from work......some of us are thinking of you and supporting you in all that you do for us.........
to my daddy, ssg. barlow, joel (retired) thank you for your service and pride and dedication that you have instilled in me by your example....i love you and miss you and hope that you and mama have a great day.....
to my little brother, roy barlow (not sure of his rank, i think he just got promoted), a marine stationed in japan.....thank you for what you do and all the hard work you have done......i wish that japan was closer so that maybe you wouldnt have to spend this holiday away from family.........
to my cousin, spc. cook, lee, thank you for answering the call of duty for the third or fourth time now......thank you to your wife and kids for being your support through all of these long deployments....we love you and miss you kid........
and to my husband, ssg. walker, stephen, baby i love you and am soooo proud of you......you are my hero and the hero to our kids......we know it is hard on you to have to keep going back over there, but as we tell the kids, you have the most important job in the world....you not only have to take care of us, but you have to take care of the whole world.......and you do it so well.....we love you and miss you......we are always praying for you and all the service members over there.....be safe and take care of each other and you will be home before you know it!!!!!

yuk yuk yuk
well i know that it has been awhile since i last posted something......but i have been kinda busy.......kinda tired, actually really tired........so here is the latest from my part of the world........
what im really tired of is all of my weight....yuk yuk yuk....hence the title........i have had to deal with my weight all of my life.....seriously, all my life.........i have tried every "miracle" pill, shake, diet, smoothie....etc..........i went to the gym, had a trainer two to three times a week.....worked out almost everyday...........and nothing, i have done on my own works........and then to top it off, i got really sick, which kept me from the gym for several months.....i went a ton of medicine that made me gain a ton of weight....i guess that was the hidden prize for it making me better.......so i am just tired and sick of being fat.....or since my loving husband doesnt like that word, i will say plus size........
this is my new plan, i am making an appointment with my doctor so that we can talk about some of my issues...........then i am going to go and see the nutritionist, and dietitian, so i can see if they can tell me if there something else i can do or cut out of diet to be more healthy that i havent already done or tried.......and then after i have all these new people telling me what to do to lose weight and i dont,which i am hoping that i will this time because i cant do it alone obviously..... i guess i will have to talk to the doctors about having the surgery.........
so that is my new plan......im going to try this with the help of some new doctors and stephen is going to be working out with me this time, to try to give me encouragement and support........so hopefully this time around it might work.......so wish me luck everyone on this journey.........again.......
other than that everything is good.....stephen is getting ready to go back to work........not looking forward it, but he has to..........we are still getting ready to move to italy....which is requiring alot of time so thats keeping us busy and running all the time.......we love and miss all of you and hope that everyone is doing well.......ill keep you posted on this new aspect of my dieting life.........love, peace and blessings to all

feelings of lost and forgotten
do you ever feel like time, space and distance have began to rob you of who you once were, or even better, who you are now.....taken you and put you on a shlef for the lost and forgotten.....i have and it sucks....alot of it is my fault and then some of it, i dont know who or what to blame.....
for instance, i found out today, by reading her blog, that my best friend, well she is more like my sister than a friend we have been best of friends since 1991......wow, that makes us sound old....but anyways, reading her blog i found out that she and her husband are selling their house......thats big news and i guess i was just shocked to read about rather than for her to tell me about it.....
or to find out things about other family members and friends way after the fact......that's not such a great feeling.....kinda makes you feel unimportant...or to feel that your life has become a routine thing.....so much to the point where you loss your identity in the activities of your family and children......you become "just mom" or the taxi cabs, personal shopper.....face washer, hiny wiper, chef, project organizer, seamstres (which is a major joke for me since i cant sew but i am pretty crafty, so my kids think i can do it all) maid.....you name it, and it has now become you....
its funny because i used to have tons of friends and love to party......in my day, i could hang with the best of them.......the life of the party.....yeah buddy that was me......i used to make sure that i had nice clothes....and shoes were my weakness......now with four kids to shop for, if it doesnt come off the sale rack or from the thrift shop.....i dont get it......in fact, my kids clap and yell and carry on like it is a holiday or something when i do buy something for me.....
i dont really miss the partying and the clothes arent that big of a deal to me anymore either,(now the shoes on the other hand....i still miss them...lol) because i would rather my kids be dressed very well than me....but i do miss the stacy that i once was when i had plenty of friends.......i really miss my best friend......she has always been there for me and sometimes, i feel that we are not as close as we used to be...miles, jobs, lives and the military have seperated us...i miss the way it felt to be more than a mommy.....not that i regret being a mommy because i believe that is the best gift that God has ever given to me and i treasure every moment of it.....but my kids are 13,9,6 and 2....they are growing up sp fast and dont really need "mommy" that much anymore.....even my "baby" is a stubborn do-it-herself big girl who will kindly tell you that she is keekee not baby......i guess i just wonder what my identity will be once i am not mommy anymore and my kids are all grown up and gone.....
now here is what i will do to take my blame in being put up on that shelf......i am not the best person at always calling to check up on people......im not a big phone person....but in today's technological world that should not be an excuse......and from today on out i am going to take better strides at being the one to do the "checking" up on others...i also know that i need to start trying to scheduling in more me time.....find something that takes me away from it all for just a little while.....maybe an activity or a group for just me....who knows....but hopefully these efforts will begin the process of "dusting" me off and coming down from that shelf.......

as i sit with all the bills paid.....
at 8:00 in the morning and my children, well three at least off with their daddy, leaving me with just my thoughts and the ramblings of a two year old.....i have to admit that it feels like a good day.....God has blessed us so tremendously that i am able to pay all the bills and not wind up broke....we have four healthy children that are beautiful and smart.....contrary to the latest report cards for one of them.....we have our own health, granted we all did just get over some nasty flu like thing.....so much for me preventing it from happening.....our car will be paid off soon......we have everything that we need and everyone that we love around us.......we have 43 days before stephen starts to clear from here and we truly begin our move to italy.....God is good......that about sums it up i guess....
oh, before i go.....since we do only have 43 days left, we will be shutting off the internet soon....not sure exactly when, but i want to make sure that we have plenty of time to pay our last bill before we leave and i never get it, which wouldnt be good......once the internet is off, the phone will be too.....i will keep everyone posted as to when that is going to happen, so that if you need to get in touch with us i can make sure that you have our cell phone numbers.....we will have them till the day that we board the plane......

the new me.....
first let me say that i am sorry that i have not written in awhile....but i have been very sick.....in fact im still not at 100% yet, but hey i can breathe now so that is a major plus......honestly, i am feeling better and am glad to report that so far this cold/flu thing does not seem to have taken that big of an effect on my immune system......
i did make some me time the other day......i went to the hair dresser and got my nails done and a new hairdo......those that know me, know that i keep short hair.....i like it....it looks better on me and it takes less time to get myself ready......but anyways....i am going to be heading to alabama this weekend so that we can go and say our goodbyes to family down there and i decided that i needed some change.....they all know that i have been sick and have gained a ton of extra weight so i thought that i would do something different to make myself feel better......
well, i have a hairdresser that is a really sweet, funky, and fun girl.....reminds me much of myself......you know with the piercings and tattoos, and the purple hair......she asked if we were just going to be trimming it again today.....at first i said yes.....then i told her to have fun and do something new........she did a really god job and i like my hair but it is different than anything that i have had in atleast three years or so.......i now have these huge chunky platinum blonde highlights......and a short piecey swoop banged do......it is cute and i like it, but when i look in the mirror, i wonder if it is really me........looks like a girl that i used to know, not the girl that i am today.......
anyways, other than that we are all doing good.....next week will start the busy process of "clearing" our house.......you know cleaning out all the closets and stuff.....scrubbing, patching, and painting walls.....trying to get organized for the day that the movers will be here so that nothing is packed by accident or left out by accident......i remember my first move.....i forgot all about my pans, they were in the broiler (i had very little cabinet space).....not something that i want to happen again.......
right now we have one month till stephen clears post.....clearing post normally takes ten days and after that we will heading out.......i will keep you all posted as things begin to happen......
we love and miss you all and that this finds you in good spirits and health......