25 September 2009

no entries for a few days

I will not make any entries for a few days. I have just pent the better part of the day at the Pisa ER. Today I miscarried our child at 8 weeks. I am feeling fine physically. Emotionally and spiritually, I will need a few days.

I plan to talk to Stephen when I can find the words to say how sorry I am to him that this happened and that I was not able to able to have our baby, but right now I just can't seem to do it. I can't even seem to look at him right now without feeling some kind of shame or guilt.

In a few days, after I have spent some time in deep prayer I will talk to him and we can see if we want to try this again, or just let it go. I wasn't planning on having more kids, but once this one happened, and I walked around for two months knowing that I was carrying a life inside of me, all i can say now is it's different.

19 September 2009

Rock Star mini-loafs

My kids are not super huge fans of meat loaf, but I am so, awhile back I did some searching around and found a recipe that I changed up and made my own. The first night that we had it, I was a little weary that they might not take to it too kindly, so I was prepared to make something else if need be.

Much to my surprise, the whole fam LOVED it. The kids called me a rock star that night and packed the left overs for lunch. I told Leah ( my best friend) about it and forgot to send the recipe to her. Being that we are having if for Sunday night dinner I thought I would share it with everyone.

2 pounds ground turkey
2 eggs
1 cup dry bread crumbs
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon steak seasoning ( a pre-mix mccormick thing I use)
1/2 teaspoon essence
1 small yellow onion, diced
6-8 slices bacon
8 ounces sharp Cheddar cheese, cut into small chunks
1/2-1 cup bbq sauce

***spice measurements are a guess, Im more of a dash of this pinch of that person***

Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F
Combine ground turkey, eggs and 1/2 cup of bbq sauce in a large bowl. Mix well, then add bread crumbs, seasonings and onion.

Set mixture aside. Line the bottom of a one row of a muffin pan with bacon. Fill half of each "cup" with the meat mixture across the top of the bacon. Lay 3 of the 4 pieces of Cheddar cheese across the center of the meat. Cover the cheese with the meat mixture and mold the meat into a mounded shape. Pull the ends of the bacon up and around the loaf. Plop some bbq sauce on the tops of each. repeat the same with the next row of "cups" in the pan.

Bake in the preheated oven until no longer pink in the center, about 40-45 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read at least 160 degrees F . Remove from the oven.

If bbq is thinned out or slightly dry looking, add a little more. Top each with the last of your cheese and return the meat loaf to the oven and continue baking until the cheese is melted, about 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow the meat loaf to rest for 5 minutes before serving.

I would place the muffin pan on top of a lined baking sheet if I were you, because the oils from the cheese ran all over the top and sides of the mini loafs and down into my oven.

Also sometimes, if I cannot get my ground turkey, I will use beef, tastes just as yummy. Also, will leave the onions out too sometimes, since not everyone likes them either.

I serve this with garlic potatoes and steamed corn.

Hope you try it, if you do, let me know how you like it!!!!

05 September 2009

INSOMNIA.......Ain't it just grand!!

Anybody who knows me, knows that I have this terrible little issue with sleeping. Meaning that I never get very much. Sometimes, I think that if it were not for my wonderful hubby, that I wouldn't survive.

Anyways, on to my point today......

I have doing some research on insomnia lately and have found out that not getting enough sleep leads to a persons inablility to loss weight and can also promote weight gain!!!! How insane is that. I am already way overweight, have been my whole life (yet another issue for another day), so how is it now fair that because my body doesn't want to shut off at the end of the night for proper rejuvination that I should have to suffer further consequences other than the huge bags under my eyes and the feeling of grogginess all day long.

It's not like I sit at the computer all night eating bon bons or something. I don't stuff my face with cake. I don't eat a whole carton of ice cream. In fact, because I do already have weight issues, I don't keep that stuff in the house , except for the rare occasions. But even then, that stuff is normally some kind of treat for the family and I avoid it for the most part. Most of the time, when I can't sleep the only thing that sits with me at the computer is a 1.5 litter bottle of water that I will drink before going to bed. WATER, I repeat. How can that be bad for me.

I do know the importance of sleep and all that and have tried several different things to help or aid me to sleep. NOTHING seems to help. I wrote a "night time" journal for a long time because it was suggested that if I could just get all my thoughts out before I laid down I would be able to sleep. Hence, meaning that I was simply stressing myself out, especially being that this was when Stephen was deployed and I should try to avoid it. Writing the journal only seemed to make things worse. Once I thought that I had written down everything, I would go to sleep for maybe an hour and then I would wake thinking that I had to write more. The writing would then keep me up.

I have tried sleeping pills and will still on occasion, meaning I am desperate for some much needed sleep, take them. But taking pills for me is so strange. They are designed to take effect in 1/2 an hour after taking them and are supposed to help you sleep for 8 to 9 straight hours. When I take a pill, it takes about 2-3 hours to take effect and then it knocks me out for about 14 hours. If I have to wake up before that, then I am doomed for the day. I will be sleepy all day long and will possibly take a nap without even realizing it.

So as you can plainly see, I already suffer enough from not being able to sleep. Why now does my weight have to become an issue of insomnia too, that just makes it one more thing for to worry about!!!

01 September 2009

I'm not picky

Really, I'm not. i just like what I like and want what I want. And right now, more than anything in this world, I want for my family to start picking up and cleaning up after themselves instead of acting as if just because I no longer have a paying job that I am the maid.

For the most part they will clean up after themselves, however they have this really bad, and I mean bad habit of not cleaning up the bathroom behind themselves. Especially the toilet, if you get what I mean. And it wouldn't be so bad if it were not for the fac that it is always my bathroom that gets used and left dirty.

We have three, 1, 2,3 bathrooms in this house. I have mine which is shared with the guest bathroom being that it is on the first floor of the house. There are two up stairs. One that is in the guest bedroom, which Jeremiah has taken over, thinking that it is now his. And the main bathroom with the tub in it, that the girls use and claim as theirs.

With all these bathrooms in this house, why do they continue to feel the need to use and not clean mine. I don't use theirs, yet I still make sure that it is clean. If they have not cleaned it properly, I will either do it myself or show them how to do it right. Why can't they simply do the same in return!!!!

I will never understand this!!