favor for a friend
several days ago, a very good friend of mine asked me to do her a favor.....the favor was to look into whatever was bothering me......because i had definately not been acting like my normal self......and she was starting to worry about me....so that is what i did, look into "it"...
while looking into it, i had to look into myself to find the real issues......you would amazed at what some serious studying and prayer can help you find out about yourself.......
you see for most of my life, i have done everything and taken care of everything for myself, by myself.....yes, i was married for awhile before, and if you were to ask david, if he were to be completely honest with himself, he would amit that was true......not always cause he had a choice in the matter, sometimes he was in the field or deployed......anyways, i have discovered that i am not super woman, not super mom and i cant do everything alone anymore......i need and often times want help.....this is really had for me to accept, but i will work on that everyday until i am ok with the fact that i do need help.....
also, i have worked every day of my working life.....from the age of 15 when i got my first tax paying job, have been working......and in almost 13 years of work, there are only about three maybe three and a half that i didnt work.....that was when i had both of my girls, was in school, and due to moving........i have found out that i really miss work......i was not cut out to be a stay at home mom all the time.....the first year of the girls life was ok, but after that i need to work to be sane......i am not looking down on those that can be stay at home moms and i am not saying that if you choose to work that you arent a good mom......i am a great mom and love my kids to death, i just need a job.....and this was found out while giving advice to another mom......its funny the wisdom we can often share, but dont always want to admit or practice for ourselves.....
last but not least, i found that i miss my relationship with the Lord......that is my biggest weakness, when i feel down or stressed or weak or whatever....i tend to not pray and study as i should......instead of turning to the Lord, i rely on the world......when i need to reverse that.....which it helps now that i have found a new church that i love and feel like i will be able to grow in.....this is something that i will always work on.....
through all of this one thing i found, rather i knew but i guess i didnt really appreciate the way i should have is that i have been truly blessed......i have a wonderful and supportive family that is always there to listen, pray and give advice.......though i dont have that many friends anymore, the few that i have are a special kind cause they are able to tolerate me, and they arent going to let me enter into this self distructive mode......i have the best fiance in the entire world.....he is always patient and kind......understanding and loving......he is my best friend......but the best thing that i have, is my relationship with God......though i often neglect it the most, it is the most important and most reliant one that i have........